On Dating On Life On Love On Self

Forever Alone? Lesson’s From When I Was a Bachelor


Despite being married I occasionally think about my life when I was single, usually to thank God that I’m no longer in the dating world. Why? You ask? Well I felt like I was horrible at being single, and by that I mean all my friends seemed to be really good at hooking up and finding partners while I seemed to excel at repelling potential partners. As I mentioned, I wasn’t that bad as I was able to convince a wonderful woman to marry me and bear my child but for a while I felt like I was going to be “forever alone” but those times gave me quite a bit of lessons I’d love to share.

  1. You don’t need anyone to be ‘whole’, if that’s how you feel, you need to stop dating IMMEDIATELY and focus on yourself. I felt this way for a LONG while but I eventually came to a realization that I needed to find happiness and completeness alone because if I didn’t and I did find someone that was willing to be my partner, I’d end up expecting that they were responsible for my happiness and that’s pretty messed up. Think about that for a second, think about how much of a weight that would be for someone to be solely responsible for another person’s happiness. Now imagine that every date you go on you carry that expectation. You’ll end any relationship before it can get off the ground, the expectations are too high. 

“I owed myself and my future family and partner to go out and get everything out of my system”

  1. Enjoy single life as best you can, do all the things you would never do when you’re married. I focused on taking risks and doing stupid things, why? Because I never wanted to look back when I was married with kids and regret not doing something. I often heard stories of break ups occurring because someone felt they missed out on adventures or something stupid they wished they did when they were younger and I never wanted that to be a part of my story. I often said that I owed myself and my future family and partner to go out and get everything out of my system. Be young dumb and full of….vigor. That is not to say you won’t have a great life married or with a partner, it’s different. Speaking from the other side, I am happy NOT being at home on a Saturday night watching a movie with my partner AND I was happy THEN getting trashed at a random lounge on Ossington then getting a poutine at 3am. There’s a time for everything.
  1. The more you try to control this aspect of your life, the less control you have. I recall being incredibly frustrated in this area of my life because it was one thing I couldn’t ‘fix’. Everything else I could. If I wanted to be healthier or more fit, I could control it by working out and my diet. If I wanted more money I could control it by working harder, more or spending less. I could control most things, yet I couldn’t control someone’s feelings towards me and so I truly felt lost and often frustrated and spending way too much time trying to figure it out, like a riddle or a problem to solve. Then I came to the conclusion that there’s no point in focusing on something I can’t control and I started focusing on myself (see point #1) and eventually that helped me find my partner. 

Sure you may feel like you’ll be alone forever, and to be completely honest I can’t say that following what I learned will guarantee a partner, but what I can say is that if you do, that is if you work on yourself, enjoy what you can and let go of the things you can’t control you’ll probably be much happier and ultimately, that’s the goal isn’t it? 

– Kenners

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