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The Secret to a Successful Marriage, according to Kenners


So every wedding I’ve been to there’s always the question that is asked in one form or another. Usually it’s posed to the elders in the crowd, those who have been married for years:

What is the secret to a successful marriage? 

It’s a good question. WIth nearly half of all marriages ending in divorce, knowing how one survives is more and more important. I’ve been married for 6 years now and if I had to give one secret to a successful marriage it’s this: never stop winning them over. 

When we start dating someone, we give our best versions of ourselves. We listen, we communicate, we’re patient and caring. We constantly try to win that other person over, because we want them to be a part of our lives but somewhere along the line we stop. We get comfortable and rather than trying to fix our flaws we expect our significant other, now that they’ve committed to us, to essentially ‘deal with it’. 

Come to think of it, it’s basically a bait and switch, which if you think of it sucks. 

I recall, in my dating years, hearing someone say ‘there’s always someone out there trying to win your partner over’. I was single at the time, but for some reason that stuck with me and I don’t think it’s wrong. There are always people out there who will find your partner attractive and if you’ve stopped trying to win the over, someone else will. 

You often hear stories about how ‘romance died’ or partners feeling unappreciated or unwanted, none of that happens when you keep the mentality of courting each other. Don’t wait until an event to say you love them, don’t wait until your partner is upset to thank them for something. Buy them a gift for no reason, other than to show how much you care. What would you have done to try to win them over when you were dating? Do those things all the time. 

I’m not saying you have to be perfect, that’s not possible nor is it sustainable to pretend that you are. What I’m saying is that you should never stop trying to win your partner over, like you did when you first met. 

Relationships are work.

Does this sound like a lot of work? If it does, then you’re right. Relationships are work. Marriages are work and anyone who tells you differently is either lying or doesn’t realize it yet, but they should be the type of work you don’t realize you’re doing. The kind of work you enjoy so much, it’s not actually work. 

My philosophy teacher in high school taught me that ‘love is a choice’ and i believe that. There is the feeling of love, that can be fleeting (no one feels that they love someone ALL THE TIME) and then there’s love as a choice. Knowing that you care about someone and choosing to be with them and care for them, even when you may not even like them at times. 

To have a successful marriage you need to choose to have one, and once you’ve chosen to do so, the only thing you need to do is never stop fighting to win the other person over.

– Kenners

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