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What No One Tells You About Shacking Up with Someone

Hey! 

Thinking of moving in with someone? Congratulations on the decision, that’s super exciting! I recall moving in with my partner several years ago and, not to scare you,  moving in with someone was a huge step for me. It truly challenged me and the relationship I had with my partner.

It was probably one of the hardest adjustments I had to go through before having a baby.

Honestly, it was probably one of the hardest adjustments I had to go through before having a baby. Before moving in with my girlfriend many years ago I had lived alone for about 5 years, before that I lived at home with my family. Learning to live alone was a big step for me, I had to figure out a lot of things on my own and as the years progressed I grew accustomed, like many people, to a certain way of things getting done, and the speed of it. 

What no one told me about moving in with someone is that everything changes. You can no longer think of only yourself, I mean, you definitely can but if you do, you can’t really expect that the relationship will last long. I spent 5 years of my life doing whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. That’s not just going out or partying, which is easy to do with a partner. It’s what I did at home, things I didn’t think I’d have to consider — when do you do laundry? When do you fold your clothes? How soon after do you wash the dishes after dinner? What do you do with your clothes when you’ve changed? Living alone, you didn’t have to think of that. You did what you wanted, when you wanted. Moving in with someone means you have to consider how they’ve lived, and what their habits are. 

You have to learn to compromise. Which was a challenge for me, I had grown set in my ways and admittedly I was stubborn on the way I wanted things done which caused quite a bit of arguments in the beginning. 

“I don’t think anyone wants their partner to become just a roommate.”

Living with a roommate is similar, I assume, but considering that I never had one I can’t speak about that experience. From what I’ve heard there are similarities but also differences, roommates can be ignored with certain things cordoned off, that doesn’t work well with romantic partners. I mean, I don’t think anyone wants their partner to become just a roommate, so there are nuances that have to be considered. 

So, what should you expect? Expect change, no matter how similar you and your partner are, there are things that you differently, which is fine, but I’d say don’t be stubborn, look to compromise and honestly, thing real hard about what hill you want to die on. Meaning, what arguments are worth having? Being in a serious, committed relationship isn’t about ego or winning, it’s about being partners. 

With that said, enjoy the move, and congrats again!

– Kenners!

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